So Jas followed me back, but I quickly realized that it wasn’t just about the follow back anymore. I wanted to know her more than reading her posts. I wanted her to tell me about things, rather than her tell the world about things, and I just happened to hear them. I wanted her to talk to me more than a reply to the “so rad” screenshot post I can’t ever forget. I didn’t know how to do that though, so I just continued doing the same as always: reblogging her selfies with tags complimenting her smile, and dying a little bit whenever she did the same.
One day in August, bloggers started an online Cards Against Humanity game with an Orphan Black theme. When I found the post about it with a link, I joined and played a couple of rounds. Other bloggers I didn’t recognize came and went from the game, and as we started another round, betchilds logged in. I noticed her username instantly. “betchilds like as in Jasmin?” “Yeah! You’re Jesse right?” What the fuck she knows my name. “YEAH! THAT’S ME.”
We talked to each other more than we played the game. When it was pushing into the early morning hours in Europe, the other players said they were going to bed. Jas and I both wanted to stay. “If I find any more games later this week, I’ll message you!” I’d promised her.
I found a game that week—thank goodness–and messaged her on Tumblr’s sketchy ask system. I didn’t get a response after the first round. I worried that she wouldn’t respond, that she would miss the game, that I’d missed out on the chance to become her ~friend~, and that we’d go back to reblogging each other’s selfies with too many compliments in the tags. If I had to see another indirect compliment of hers say “#cute people #wOAH QT ALERT” one more time, I would simply not be able to go on living. This was my chance right now, I had to do something before I chicken out.
So what did I do? I went to her blog and read her about page. Sometimes people linked their Facebook or other accounts or posted their snapchat handles. I wasn’t one of those people yet, but I hoped and prayed that she was.
BINGO! She wrote her kik name in the about page. Having never used or even heard of kik, I had to download it and set up an account, which of course didn’t happen fast enough. The loading circle dragged so slowly with my low-speed internet; I think I heard a cow mooing from outside. Finally, it downloaded.
God, what do I say? Obviously, I say that there is a Cards Against Humanity game, that’s like, why I was even messaging her. Yeah but like, how annoying are you right now??
Of course, this wasn’t about the game so much anymore. This was about me being cool and friendly and likable enough for her to message me on kik later on, like, whenever she wants, because, friendship. I remember the panic of deciding what to say. How should I play this? Nonchalant? Excited? Super rad? I don’t remember what I said though. Whatever it was, it must’ve worked. Although the friendship stage didn’t last very long.