If you’ve followed my advice thus far, let’s get ready to make this LDR endgame! (6/6. Link to intro and other parts here.)
Anxiety Re: Breaking the Distance
I’m going to assume this is the goal. If it’s not, try to be honest with yourself for a hot second. Where do you see this relationship going if you don’t end up together? My first advice is to force yourself to think about your end goals. If there’s no finish line in mind for your relationship, is it really worth all the heartache and effort? That being said, my girlfriend and I have not yet broken the distance, so it’s almost like I’m writing the rest of this advice for myself [sweats].
Full disclosure, I get huge anxiety whenever I think about the necessary steps here. It may have even pushed for the procrastination of this last leg in the series. (It definitely did.) The reality is that either you or your partner (or both) will have to live apart from your friends and family, you might have to overcome visa barriers if you’re from different countries, and it’s probably going to be expensive. [Enter: anxiety.]
Getting into a long-distance relationship is a huge commitment from the very beginning. You have to make the conscious decision to choose each other every single day. There are no casual long-distance relationships. (If you think there are, you’re fooling yourself.) And the endgame here is why. This stuff is hard. And it’s a lot of guessing.
Talk About It
The best thing to do is talk about the concerns you have with your partner and let them voice theirs. The unfamiliarity of the situation is likely very real for both of you. Sometimes, Jas and I aren’t always great at this. I actively avoid discussing topics that ignite my anxiety, and this is one of them. It terrifies me not knowing how to get to the next step. For me, that’s the hardest part of the relationship. Not the communication or the Big Sad; it’s this.
The most important thing to remember when talk about it is to remain optimistic. If not for you, be optimistic for your partner. Reassure them that together, you can figure this out. You’ve already made it this far, right? Is this last thing going to stop you? No, it’s not. So tell your partner that, even if your confidence isn’t where you wish it were. Don’t let the uncertainty stop you both from talking about the future you want, whatever and wherever that may be. Maybe you don’t know yet. Just try some scenarios out in your head. Let yourself imagine a future where this is going to work out. You will get there.
Steps to Take
This is me not talking from experience because I don’t know about steps. But some things that sound like good advice is one, seeking advice. (Wow look, you’re already there! I’m sorry this part of my advice isn’t going to be helpful!!!)
To combat moving expenses, think about opening a joint-savings account with your partner if you live in the same country. (If you don’t have your own savings account, do that too. For real. If you take one thing away from this post, please let it be that you need a savings account.) Seeing your money accumulate together to get place to live could help provide a sense of optimism and confidence.
If you’re an international couple, it’s never too early to start looking at visas. This is the big thing that gives me huge anxiety, but you need to do it. Get some ideas in your head about some steps you might take. It’s likely you’ll still be quite uncertain, but at least you have the bare minimum of expectations.
Connect with other couples who were once in an LDR but have since broken the distance. Ask for their advice and listen to their stories. I wish I had this wisdom to offer you at this time. When I do, you best bet you’ll be hearing from me.
Know that it’s okay to be scared of this. There are so many things to consider and steps to take. You or your partner will be saying goodbye to a place they may have loved. It’s okay to feel sad about that even when you’re excited to break the distance. You’re allowed to have mixed feelings. Just remember to talk about these feelings and remain as optimistic as you can. Don’t let your fears hold you back from thinking about your future together.
If you have any questions you can always message me on Twitter or send an anonymous question to my Curious Cat. Let me know what you found helpful in this post and what else you have questions about! If you enjoyed this series or found it useful, consider buying me a $3 coffee to show your support!