Maybe you’ve already admitted you have a Stan Twitter addiction. If you haven’t, say it now. I have an addiction, because you do. You hate the fandom. It makes you anxious, stressed, annoyed, etc. More harm than good, and yet! You’re still there. It’s because you’re depressed and gay. This guide can give you an out. Don’t worry, if Eve can’t quit Villanelle cold turkey (she can’t), then I’m not going to force you to quit cold turkey either.

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no business giving you advice.

Stan Twitter isn’t evil, but it’s evil

Let’s start with some gratitude, shall we? What has Stan Twitter given you, besides a mental illness? There must be something. Back in my Orphan Black stanning days, I got a girlfriend. Maybe you’re one of the rare gays who got one of those too? Congrats and welcome to the club. Killing Eve Stan Twitter even gave me friends, some of which I got the chance to meet, some of them lifelong. Some of them just used me as free therapy for emotional dumping. Like I said, only some of them are lifelong.

Okay, got your gratitude list? Good, now let’s review why we hate it here. I’ll list some reasons Killing Eve Stan Twitter is a shitshow. If you’re not from here, I’m sure you can make your own list. As a stan yourself, you’re good at drudging up problematic shit from the past. KE Stans:

• Caused several people working on the production to deactivate. Most famously, made Jodie herself deactivate.
• Found Jodie’s home address.
• DM’ed Jodie’s brother on Instagram.
• Harassed Jodie with sexual remarks on a live chat.
• Had a racist at one point. And a pro-lifer apparently?
• Gatekeep stans under the age of 18 because it’s illegal for minors to watch good TV.
• “Witty Scandal,” (I just coined this) featuring a stan stalking other stans???
• Literally so many people are so mean and do nothing but subtweet each other.
• Relentless bullying. Seriously, never ending. Always disguised as jokes. Such jokes include:
  • As if I could list all the “jokes” here lmfao. And I would never even publish some of the things I heard.

Okay, ready to kick it? Let’s go, Stan.

Step 1: Stop caring

The reason you’re addicted to Stan Twitter is because you’re depressed and you like being distracted by the drama despite the fact it makes you feel like shit. Even more so when you get involved, actively or passively. Subtweeting about a fandom-wide controversy? That’s getting involved, baby. And it’s stressin’ you out.

For example: Just yesterday a KE stan messaged Jodie’s brother and it was gross. The whole fandom tweeted about how gross it was. You probably tweeted about how the fandom has no boundaries, just like everyone else. That’s getting involved. Now you have a public opinion, (one of the good ones, I’ll give you that), but sometimes that in itself is draining. You’re giving your energy away to something that people have already decried.

Here’s the kicker: You’re never actually going to stop caring. You gotta fake it till you make it, kiddo. Here’s how.

Step 2: Mass mute

Make very GENEROUS use of that mute button. Seriously. Mute your mutuals if you’re too pussy to break it. Mute accounts you don’t even follow. Get unwanted content off your timeline. Stan Twitter has a lot to say about everything. And let’s face it, it’s annoying. Problematic tea-spillers are necessary, but unbearable. You’re depressed and sensitive, and all the drama hits your daily capacity. But there’s no drama limit on Stan Twitter that caps the fandom from tweeting about the same topic over and over again. Though I would put a few bucks in that startup.

So, here’s what you do. Identify the things that get you all riled up and have you wanting to comment on the tea in your own tweets. It might be controversial, might not be. For example: I hate negative takes. As someone who actually enjoyed all of season 2 (yes, even the finale), KE Stan Twitter was not only annoying, but it was stressful. People subtweeted and dragged me for enjoying an episode of the show I loved. Mute, mute, unfollow, mute. Repeat.

If you don’t like the “jokes” the fandom makes, mute the accounts who tweet them. I have dozens of muted accounts that I have never interacted with before, but had their content on my timeline because of a mutual mutual retweeting it. Seriously, just mute the accounts. Out of sight, out of mind. It’s a real phenomenon.

Step 3: Shut up and make another account

Another account seems counter-intuitive to kicking a Twitter addiction. Hear me out. Make a new account, put that baby on private, only follow the people you really trust.

Tweet absolutely nothing about the latest fandom drama or scandal from your main account. Not a word. Not a tweet. Commenting on the drama is what makes the drama so explosive and divisive, even when its well-intentioned. Cultivate your main account to be the fandom you want to see by ignoring the negativity altogether. You can do this, don’t be a pussy.

When you have to say something, use your private account. Like I said, Eve can’t quit cold turkey, so it’s okay that you can’t either. That’s what the private account is for. Twitter is an emotional wasteland, keeper of rants and pity-cards. Use your private account for all the fandom-related negativity that you can’t stay away from.

Step 4: Still have a fandom icon and active in fandom group chats?

Probably not a good idea.

Conclusion

You don’t actually have to leave Stan Twitter to get away from the anxiety of it. But you do have to stop engaging with the content and people that make you anxious. Stan Twitter is your hellscape and it’s up to you to reclaim it.

The biggest thing, genuinely, is to not feel guilty about making your Twitter experience your own. If certain people are making you feel anxious, it is okay to unfollow and mute people that you’re acquainted with online. If someone you have barely talked to DM’s you and asks why you unfollowed, you don’t owe them an explanation. You’re on Stan Twitter to have fun and make friends. Don’t feel bad about trying to get that back.

If this post made you laugh or if you took any of this advice (god help you), please consider donating $3 to the blog’s Ko-Fi page.