Lesbian Hobbies: Lesbian Crocheting

Welcome to my new blogging series: Lesbian Hobbies. Here, I blog about all lesbian hobbies. I share my lesbian hobby tips. I try lesbian hobbies I’ve never tried before. I lesbianify hobbies that are seemingly un-lesbian. Any hobby is a lesbian hobby if you do it in flannel. 

What I have planned in the lesbian blogging series: gardening (fermenting, pickling, and other lesbian cottage-core activities related to gardening), vegetarian/veganism (yes, it’s a hobby), embroidery, indoor plants, baking, rock climbing, rollerskating, astrology/crystals, cats (yes, also a hobby. just ask the world’s most famous lesbian, Taylor Swift (this is (mostly) a joke)), plus lots of other great lesbian stuff. If you have one to add or one you want me to prioritize, send me a DM on Instagram or Twitter.

Crocheting as a Lesbian Hobby

Consider crocheting under the cottage-core lesbian umbrella. It’s very off-the-grid to crochet your own blanket, your own potholders, your own clothes. I envision a future of owning a sheep. I shear her for wool, spinning and dyeing my own yarn. Crocheting my very own lesbian flag. 

Also, let’s not be dense. Crocheting is stereotypically a “woman’s” hobby. This dates back to the cishetero eurocentric “man does job” and “woman does home” and what does home include? Clothes, towels, blankets, hats, you get the idea. A hobby passed down from woman to woman would undoubtedly fall into the laps of lesbians. 

Also consider that straight fashion sucks. Sometimes, what we’re looking for cannot be found even at the She-in or the A-sauce. Or even–gasp!–the thrift store. If ya can’t find it, ya gotta croch’ it. 

My Lesbian Crocheting History 

My lesbian love affair with crocheting began back in 2018. My sister said, “I think I might try crocheting.” And I said, “Not before I do.” I went to our grandma’s house, robbed her for all her yarn and crochet hooks, and got started with my first project.

I made a small throw blanket entirely of single crochet stitches and gave it to my wife’s parents for Christmas. I then retired from crocheting for an entire year, satisfied with the one-and-done.

Then, I saw a Spongebob meme. The “How I sleep at night” one. It featured a blanket of the lesbian flag. And I said, “I need that.” 

how i sleep at night knowing i’m never gonna fall in love with a man pic.twitter.com/zFMzCNFoFQ

— jess (@koalatygay) August 8, 2019

Absolute despair ensues. Upon entering Michael’s, I learned that yarn is not cheap. Especially bulk level 6, 20% wool yarn in the exact lesbian flag colors. To say this blanket cost me (financially) is an understatement. I spent well over $100 on yarn. Forget about the uncountable number of hours–months–it took to create. That being said, it’s one of my most prized possessions. I love it. The cat loves it. Everyone I showed it to said, “I love it. Can you make me a blanket like this?” and I said, “Do you have $300?” The answer to both was always no. 

Sidenote, I redid the meme with my own blanket and I can’t believe it didn’t go viral.

how i sleep at night knowing i’m never gonna fall in love with a man pic.twitter.com/emXF6Ax5yA

— jess (@koalatygay) November 15, 2019

I retired crocheting for another year after that because ya bitch was broke! 

Finally, enter year 2021. I moved in with my sister and she’d finally given crocheting a try. I caught FOMO watching her work on a fun project whilst I had nothing to do with my hands while we binged Charmed (1998) on the couch. So, I decided to crochet a rug for my next apartment, which had all wood floors. 

I saw a TikTok of a star-shaped blanket, which I decided would be a perfect reading-nook rug. This would also be the first time I follow a pattern, rather than YouTubing different crochet stitches and simply picking one for the entire project. (Though, I think that’s a great way to get into crocheting.)

The star-shaped blanket (turned rug) came from Betty McKnit, and learning how to read a crochet pattern was a chore for sure. Essentially, I had no idea what any of it meant. I had to Google just about every single stitch. I had to watch a YouTube video every time a new stitch appeared in the pattern. I made so many mistakes. I undid and redid an uncountable number of rows. But eventually, I did it.

Then I spent over seven hours hand-sewing backing fabric on one side with nonslip patches (because I was too cheap to buy enough to cover all of it). But after precisely 6.5 hours of complaining, I finished that too. And now this rug is also a prized possession. I also left this project feeling like I could read any crochet pattern and complete it. If I could do that, I could do anything. (I was wrong.) 

I crocheted a bunch of little Christmas ornaments and snowflakes that I strung on twine for friends and family to keep as seasonal decorations. (I tried to make Christmas trees too and I could not, for the lesbian of me, figure out how to read the pattern.)

(I also started and stopped many, many projects throughout 2022. For literally no good reason. Most were coming along fine.)

Come 2023, I finally felt ready to tackle clothing, starting with a sweater vest. I bought a pattern from REDBEAN. Though I met plenty of hiccups, the end result blew my mind. To think my own two hands and brain made this happen–outstanding. Naturally, I have begun working on my first sweater with arms. I am so excited by the prospects here, I have plans for many other sweaters in the works. 

Lesbian Crocheting: How to Get Started

My friend, Rita, recently launched her crochet beginnings. And she reached out to me whilst taking her first little lesbian stitches. So, I made her a quick guide with all I would’ve found helpful when I was starting from the very, very beginning. Now, I’m sharing that with the rest of y’all.

Materials

You can use any kind of yarn and any kind of crochet hook. If you’re using a pattern, the pattern will usually have recommendations for what types to use. 

Yarn skein will have info about what “weight” or thickness of yarn it is. The skein will also suggest a crochet hook size to use. (Sizes are measured in millimeters and by letter sizes. The bigger the letter, the larger the hook.)

If you are jumping into a project without a pattern (like a blanket or potholders), you can use any kind of yarn and any hook. 

For the blankets I’ve made, I used yarn weights 4-6. I always use the same weight throughout a single blanket project. (Per my own rule, this is not like, illegal.) I usually use the hook size recommended by the yarn skein. If you’re finding it hard, use a hook that is one size larger than the recommended size. This will make the project a little looser, which is totally fine. It’s much easier to work with. (For example, my yarn skein says weight 4 and recommends hook size J, but using a K might be easier for beginners.)

You can use any kind of yarn for anything. Wool is super warm but expensive. Acrylic yarn works just as good for any project. I used 20% wool for one blanket project and then decided it costs too much money to ever do that again. I’ve only used acrylic since, as per my wallet’s wishes.

Getting started

To get started with pretty much any crochet project, you need to know how to make a slip knot and a starting chain. I learned to crochet by watching a million YouTube videos, so that is the knowledge I’m passing on to you.

This video teaches you how to do a slip knot and how to begin a starting chain. She also goes over some beginner info that I already gave my own commentary on.

Most rectangular projects will start with these two steps. Patterns will often start with something like “ch 20.” This means “chain 20 stitches.”

I recommend a blanket as a first project because you can get the feel of crocheting and practice without having to be too much of a perfectionist (because there is no pattern). Instead, chain as many stitches as you want the short end of your blanket to be. When you finish your starting chain, this will be the length of the short end of your blanket. However many rows you crochet will be the long end of the blanket. 

Some other projects (usually round ones) will start with a magic loop or magic circle. 

Stitch types

Here I’ve linked YouTube tutorials that I use when I’m learning a new stitch. I also forget how to do a stitch literally every single time I’m not currently working on a project. Basically, every time I start a new project, I have to review YouTube tutorials to remember which stitch is which. Sometimes when I’m using multiple stitches in a project, I forget how to do a stitch while I’m literally in the middle of said stitch. Don’t be discouraged; I’m just an idiot.

Single Crochet (sc) (In British patterns, this is called the “Double Crochet” and abbreviated as “dc.” I know, ridiculously stupid and easy to mess up. Your pattern should tell you if it’s using US or UK terminology.) This video will also teach you how to start the first row of stitches after your starting chain row.

Double Crochet (dc) (In British, this is called “Treble.”)

Half Double Crochet (hdc) (UK – Half Treble – ht)

Treble/Triple Crochet (tr/tc) (UK – Double treble – dtr)

There are way more stitches than this, but you get the idea. You encounter a stitch you don’t know, you look it up on YouTube. 

For a first project, I recommend picking one stitch and repeating it over and over again. That’s why I love blankets as a first project. You can use the same stitch from start to finish (after the starting chain) and you have something great at the end even as you’re still learning. 

Quick blanket project step-by-step

1. Slip knot
2. Starting chain (starting chain will be the length of the short side of your blanket).
3. Turn the project and begin the first row of your chosen stitch type. (I recommend Half Double Crochet.)
4. When you reach the end of a row, make chain 2 stitches longer than the row and turn your project to begin working on the next row. Begin your stitch in the 2nd chain from your hook. (Half Double Crochet video shows how to do this.)
5. Continue until desired blanket length.

Crocheting Is a Lesbian Hobby that You Should Try

Before you embark on your lesbian crocheting journey, here are my last bits of advice.

• Messing up is really easy. I do it constantly, and I’ve been doing this for years now. But when you realize you’ve made a mistake, you can pull on the yarn and all the knots easily undo themselves so you can try again. I do this with every. Single. Project. 
• I find that the beginning of every project is the hardest part. Once you get 4 rows in, it’ll get easier I promise.
• Literally nobody but you will notice that a blanket is longer on one side than the other, if that’s how it turns out. (That’s how my favorite blanket (my lesbian blanket!!!) turned out. And everyone still loved it. And I still love it.)
• This is cliché, but have fun!!!!! It is the best lesbian hobby ever.

If this post convinced you to start crocheting, send me $3 on Ko-Fi!